"Are you sure?"

Today, a woman asked me what my major is. I immediately answered her by saying that I am an elementary special education major. Her response? "Oh..." While she looked at me like I had three heads, "Are you sure you want to do that?"

I was so taken back by her response that it took me a few seconds to process what she just said to me.  I understand that some people just don't get it, but I have never had someone look at me so strangely when I told them what my major is. I responded with saying how I am 150% sure that this is what I want to do, and gave her the surface level background on why. But this is what I really wanted to say:

Yes. I am sure I want to do that. I am 150% confident in my decision of going to school to be a change agent in children's lives. I am going to wake up every day and be excited to come to work, because I am so in love with my major. Are you able to do that? Do you wake up every day excited? Do you wake up every day knowing that you are going to make a difference? I'm going to. I am 150% sure that I want to be challenged every single day by the kids I work with. I want to learn from them as much as they learn from me. I am sure I want to face a new challenge every day. Every single day is going to be different than the day before, and different than the day after, and nothing excites me more. I am sure that I want to change the way children and adults look at people who have disabilities. I am going to go to work every day and show every single person just how much each child can achieve. I am sure that I want to help children break boundaries, and help them realize their own potential. I am sure, yes, I am 150% sure that I want to be a special education teacher.

I realize that my job is going to be hard, and tiring, and frustrating at points. But I also realize that my job is going to be so rewarding. So to the lady that looked at me like I was insane for going to school to be a special education teacher, I hope one day you find your purpose, because I know I have found mine.

Stickers Only Stick if You Let Them

In high school, my show choir director introduced me to a book called You Are Special. It's about a town of wooden people who get stars stuck on them if they do good things, and dots stuck on them if they do something that the community thinks is "bad". In it there is a boy who believes he isn't good enough because of what others think of him. He is covered in dots, and has no stars. He tries and tries to be the greatest he can be, but he still comes up short. He meets a girl who has no stickers on her at all, and wants to know how that is possible. She explains that the stickers only stick if you let them -- if you don't worry about what anyone else thinks about you, the stickers don't stick onto you.

Since I have heard that story, I have strived to become that little girl.

When I was younger, I always struggled with caring too much about what others thought of me. I wanted to be the girl that every single person loved and had zero problems with whatsoever. Reality is, that is not possible. No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to get everybody to like you. Believe me -- I know that from experience.

I tried for so long to get acceptance of everybody. Starting as early as elementary school, I distinctly remembering changing how I acted depending on who I was around. Did I want to do this? No. But I felt like I had to because I cared too much about what other people thought of me.

Who was I really? A girl who had a heart bigger than her body and wanted to spend every minute in school with her best friend who happened to have a disability. With the big heart came the craving for people to accept me. Unfortunately, being in the special education rooms and being interested in something that no one was familiar with is not the way to get people to love you. It does quite the opposite. You are looked at as different, and judgements start to be made. Throughout middle school and high school I was pinned as the girl who hangs out with kids who have disabilities. Looking back at it now, I absolutely love that that was what I was known for. What a great mark to leave on an incredible district. But back then? All I wanted was to have that label erased from my name and just be "normal".

My two first years of high school were the hardest. I was bullied daily, laughed at constantly by the same group of people. Even though this was happening, I did not let it interfere with my passion for people who have disabilities. I refused to let people's judgements sway me from doing what I loved. It did, however, kill my self esteem. I did not understand why people were so mean. Why did they care what I chose to do? It made no sense to me. But as the years went on, I decided to let their judgements go.

My junior and senior years of high school were spent free of the stress of worrying what others thought about me volunteering in the special education rooms. I chose to love myself enough to know that what I was doing was perfect and right for me -- and that is all that mattered.

Moral of that ridiculously long story, is that since I have chosen to love myself more than anything, I have been able to rid myself of the stress of worrying about what other people think of me in all areas. Yes, it is human nature to feel hurt when someone else doesn't agree with what you are doing. But when you are able to come back from that hurt by doing what is right for you, you become so much happier.

Don't ever let somebody else's opinion determine your self worth. Do what you want, do what you love, and do it without fear of other people's thoughts. Wear that outfit that you think you look great in. Sing that song you love. Follow your passion that's in your heart. Post that selfie that makes you feel good about yourself. Pour your heart out into a blog for everyone to see. Love yourself enough to do what makes your soul the most nourished, even if not everyone can understand it. And always remember, the stickers only stick if you let them.

Letter to me

Dear newly graduated from high school self,

You are about to embark on a 9 month adventure that you are not prepared for. At all. You think you are...but you're wrong.

Right now, you think that you are going to stay in touch with all of your high school friends, and keep those friendships close to your heart. You are wrong. You will stay in touch with a few friends from high school, and the ones that you do still talk to will be there for the rest of your life. The rest of them will not be. And that's okay. Please remember that. People will come and go in your life, that is one thing you will learn this year.

In fact, the most important person to you right now will leave your life in a few months. Nothing could have prepared you for that. It will suck and it will be sad and you will cry a lot...but I am here to tell you that you are going to be okay.

Not just okay, you are going to become better because of it. Stronger, happier, wiser, more independent -- better. You will learn to be brave, you will learn that it is okay to not be okay, you will learn that you do not need validation from anyone. Right when you think the world is ending, please remember that you will become so much better than you could have ever imagined -- in every single aspect of your life.

The people you meet this year will have a lasting impact on your life. Whether they are a teacher, or a sorority sister, you will be influenced and inspired by new faces that will teach you so much. Listen to them.

At some point, you will have a choice: to stay in and study or to go out with your friends. Go out. You are smart, you will do well on that test you have been studying for for hours. Have fun. You deserve it.

Also remember that at some point you will have the choice to go out, or stay in and binge watch Netflix. Stay in. Eat that whole pizza, watch a whole season of Grey's, lay in sweatpants all day. You work so hard and deserve some "me time".

This year you will realize how important your family is in your life. You will realize how much they have done for you the past 18 years, things including but not limited to: cooking you meals (you will miss that as you eat buttered noodles for the 10th night in a row), helping you study, being your counselor at every moment, making you laugh, taking care of you when you're sick, buying you groceries, waiting up for you to make sure you're okay, etc. Thank them. Go visit as often as possible, squeeze your brothers tight, go to lunch with your sister. Your family will cry with you at your worst, and celebrate with you at your best. Don't take them for granted.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but you are far from prepared for this 9 month adventure. The good news is that after this year, you will be on the path to become the person you have always strived to be.

Be brave, have fun, and remember that change is good.

From,
Your just finished your first year in college self


P.S. -- I would start learning about hockey ASAP

It's all about perspective

If you haven't heard about #thedress yet, then get out from the rock you're living under. This picture of a striped dress took the internet by storm yesterday, causing millions of arguments all over the world. The people who saw blue and black were convinced that what they were seeing was the truth, and the people who were seeing white and gold felt the same. The frustration of not understanding how the other group of people saw those certain colors is the exact same frustration that people living with autism feel on a daily basis.

People with autism see things, hear things, taste things, smell things, and feel things differently. Their life experience is completely different than ours in many many ways. Each person that has autism experience different things, but usually, each have an extreme sensory issue of some kind. Some can't touch certain things due to how it feels to them, some can't be in loud places due to how sensitive they are to pitch. The list goes on and on. And every day, they are looked at as different, and less than those who don't have the same sensory experiences that they do. All because of how their bodies react to certain senses.

Now, think back on the dress scenario. What color you see is most likely different than what your best friend sees, or what your mom sees, or what your little brother sees. Does that mean that they are less of a person because of it? Weird because of it? Should be made fun of because of it? No! It simply means that they are having a different sensory perception than you are.

Think about how frustrated the entire world got in a couple of hours because of the different colors everyone was seeing. That is how people with autism feel every single day of their lives. Hopefully the next time you see a person with autism, you have a better understanding of what they are going through, and can use that perspective that you now have to educate people around you.

Comfortable is safe, but change is worth it.

Comfortable is safe.

I have had a very hard time the last few months letting go of what is comfortable. I, like most people, am not a fan of change. At all. Change in my schedule, change in food, change in clothes, change in weather (why do I live in Nebraska?), change in people. I hate it all. But I have particularly found that change in relationships are one of the hardest things to understand, and to deal with. Especially when it's one sided.

When you leave high school and go to college, you change as a person. And so does everyone who you went to school with. The distance makes keeping every single high school friendship impossible. But it makes the ones that do stick around SO much stronger. I have lost a lot of friends since last May. And that was hard for me at first. I was comfortable with those people. I knew them, they knew me, it was easy. And losing those friendships and going to a school where I had to make completely new ones with strangers, terrified me. But the friendships I have made since the beginning of the year are the friends that will be in my wedding. Stepping outside of my comfort zone led to those friendships, and it led to me becoming a stronger person.

Change is also scary when something happens that alters your entire mindset of the future. When a person does something that hurts you in a way that will never be fixed. That is scary. And I wanted to run to what was comfortable, what was easy. Run back to that relationship even though I knew it was not going to be good for either of us. Run back to what was comfortable, because the thought of starting over was terrifying.

Comfortable is safe.

Change is hard, and it is scary, and it is sad, and it is frustrating, but it is worth it. I have learned more about myself in the past few months than I ever have before. Realizing that what was broken couldn't ever be fixed and that I had to let go of the past was heart wrenching but liberating. I have become my own hero, and learned to love myself without the help of anyone else. I have stepped outside of my comfort zone so many times, and have had so many experiences that I wouldn't have had if I were to have ran back to what was comfortable. It has led me to be a person that I always wanted to become. A person not held back by any limitations. A person that does not need any validation to feel beautiful. And along the way of becoming a person I always wanted to be, I met some amazing people who have made me so so happy.

So when something happens that terrifies you, that forces you to make a change, that rips your heart out, just know that it gets better. SO much better. The end is not the end, even though it feels like it is. It's just a new beginning. Don't run back to what's comfortable just because it is the easiest thing for you to do at the time. Challenge yourself, step outside of your box, because it will lead to better things.

Comfortable is safe, but change is worth it.

I will never work a day in my life.

I have been blessed beyond measure with a passion. A passion that I am able to spend the rest of my life pursuing every single day...and calling it my "job". And that is why I will never work a day in my life.

Currently, I work every single day. I work at Camp Munroe, am a paraprofessional at Oakdale and nanny. All of those "jobs" have to do with working with people who have disabilities. My passion. I go to work every day and leave a better person than I was before. Most people go to work and leave being stressed out or in a bad mood. I leave work in a better mood than I was in before. I am SO lucky, and I wish other people understood that they could do this for themselves as well!

So many people go to college and major in something that they don't love just because it makes a lot of money, or just because it's easy, or just to simply get a degree. Believe me, I wish teachers made millions. Even like a hundred thousand would be nice! But they don't, and never will. And I'm okay with that. I would so much rather live life with a happy and full heart, doing what I love to do and becoming a better person, than live with an empty heart in a profession that makes a lot of money. Money makes life easier, but it does not make life happy. And I am all about happiness.

So find your happiness. Figure out what gets you excited, what gets you interested, what gets you passionate. And do something with it! I'm 19 years old and love working ridiculous hours a week because I don't consider it working. I'm changing lives, including my own, and what is more rewarding than that?

If there is one thing that I leave behind, let it be this: Find what makes your eyes light up, and never let it go. Stand up for what you believe in even if you're in a room full of people who are sitting down. I can't stress enough how important it is to find something that you love, because when you pour your heart into something, you have the ability to change so many lives.

Choose to not work a day in your life. Choose happiness.

2015

I cannot believe that it is already 2015. So many big things happened in 2014: I graduated from high school, started going to college to pursue my lifelong dream, met so many new friends, lost lots of old ones, I learned what it means to truly love someone, and I experienced true heartbreak.  I've grown so much as a person in one year and am extremely proud of who I have become.

I am extremely proud of who I have become, but I know I can become better.

This year I am going to strive to be happy. Finding happiness in all situations, even the really really sucky ones, is something that I've learned to do recently, and I have become stronger because of it. So in 2015, I will continue to find the light in places that seem like pure darkness, and make the bright moments even brighter.

I am going to try to impact as many lives as I can this year. Whether that be by writing down my thoughts and sharing them to the world, working with people who have disabilities, or just loving as much and as hard as I can, I want to make a difference. So many people have changed me and made me who I am, and I hope one day someone can say that I changed them.

I plan to be more grateful. I try so hard to let people know how much they mean to me, but sometimes life gets busy and I forget to thank the people in my life for all of the simple things they do for me on a daily basis. We too often take people for granted, and so my goal this year is to make sure that all the important people know just how important they are.

This year I will continue to pursue my passion, and share that passion to the world. I will advocate and speak up about everything I believe in, and try to make others understand why I do what I do. This has been something I have done since I was just learning what my home phone number was, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

I want to be less perfect. No, I do not think I am in any way, shape, or form, perfect. I have many flaws and am nowhere near perfection. But one of those flaws is my perfectionism attitude. This isn't a bad thing when it comes to things like school, but in other areas of my life it causes me extreme stress. I need to realize that life is not perfect. The perfect future I envisioned for myself a couple months ago is not what I envision for myself now. Things change, people change, and that's how life is always going to be. I need to start being less of a control freak and let things happen and go with the flow...this will be hard.

2014 was extremely good to me. I learned more about myself in the past year than ever before. I have become stronger and more independent. I have loved and have been loved by countless numbers of people that I'll forever be thankful for. But I want 2015 to be better. I want to become better. The cliche quote that states "New year, New me" does not apply to this situation. I don't want to change who I am. I like who I am. I just want to become a better version of myself. The best version of myself possible.

New year, Better me.