"Are you sure?"

Today, a woman asked me what my major is. I immediately answered her by saying that I am an elementary special education major. Her response? "Oh..." While she looked at me like I had three heads, "Are you sure you want to do that?"

I was so taken back by her response that it took me a few seconds to process what she just said to me.  I understand that some people just don't get it, but I have never had someone look at me so strangely when I told them what my major is. I responded with saying how I am 150% sure that this is what I want to do, and gave her the surface level background on why. But this is what I really wanted to say:

Yes. I am sure I want to do that. I am 150% confident in my decision of going to school to be a change agent in children's lives. I am going to wake up every day and be excited to come to work, because I am so in love with my major. Are you able to do that? Do you wake up every day excited? Do you wake up every day knowing that you are going to make a difference? I'm going to. I am 150% sure that I want to be challenged every single day by the kids I work with. I want to learn from them as much as they learn from me. I am sure I want to face a new challenge every day. Every single day is going to be different than the day before, and different than the day after, and nothing excites me more. I am sure that I want to change the way children and adults look at people who have disabilities. I am going to go to work every day and show every single person just how much each child can achieve. I am sure that I want to help children break boundaries, and help them realize their own potential. I am sure, yes, I am 150% sure that I want to be a special education teacher.

I realize that my job is going to be hard, and tiring, and frustrating at points. But I also realize that my job is going to be so rewarding. So to the lady that looked at me like I was insane for going to school to be a special education teacher, I hope one day you find your purpose, because I know I have found mine.

Stickers Only Stick if You Let Them

In high school, my show choir director introduced me to a book called You Are Special. It's about a town of wooden people who get stars stuck on them if they do good things, and dots stuck on them if they do something that the community thinks is "bad". In it there is a boy who believes he isn't good enough because of what others think of him. He is covered in dots, and has no stars. He tries and tries to be the greatest he can be, but he still comes up short. He meets a girl who has no stickers on her at all, and wants to know how that is possible. She explains that the stickers only stick if you let them -- if you don't worry about what anyone else thinks about you, the stickers don't stick onto you.

Since I have heard that story, I have strived to become that little girl.

When I was younger, I always struggled with caring too much about what others thought of me. I wanted to be the girl that every single person loved and had zero problems with whatsoever. Reality is, that is not possible. No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to get everybody to like you. Believe me -- I know that from experience.

I tried for so long to get acceptance of everybody. Starting as early as elementary school, I distinctly remembering changing how I acted depending on who I was around. Did I want to do this? No. But I felt like I had to because I cared too much about what other people thought of me.

Who was I really? A girl who had a heart bigger than her body and wanted to spend every minute in school with her best friend who happened to have a disability. With the big heart came the craving for people to accept me. Unfortunately, being in the special education rooms and being interested in something that no one was familiar with is not the way to get people to love you. It does quite the opposite. You are looked at as different, and judgements start to be made. Throughout middle school and high school I was pinned as the girl who hangs out with kids who have disabilities. Looking back at it now, I absolutely love that that was what I was known for. What a great mark to leave on an incredible district. But back then? All I wanted was to have that label erased from my name and just be "normal".

My two first years of high school were the hardest. I was bullied daily, laughed at constantly by the same group of people. Even though this was happening, I did not let it interfere with my passion for people who have disabilities. I refused to let people's judgements sway me from doing what I loved. It did, however, kill my self esteem. I did not understand why people were so mean. Why did they care what I chose to do? It made no sense to me. But as the years went on, I decided to let their judgements go.

My junior and senior years of high school were spent free of the stress of worrying what others thought about me volunteering in the special education rooms. I chose to love myself enough to know that what I was doing was perfect and right for me -- and that is all that mattered.

Moral of that ridiculously long story, is that since I have chosen to love myself more than anything, I have been able to rid myself of the stress of worrying about what other people think of me in all areas. Yes, it is human nature to feel hurt when someone else doesn't agree with what you are doing. But when you are able to come back from that hurt by doing what is right for you, you become so much happier.

Don't ever let somebody else's opinion determine your self worth. Do what you want, do what you love, and do it without fear of other people's thoughts. Wear that outfit that you think you look great in. Sing that song you love. Follow your passion that's in your heart. Post that selfie that makes you feel good about yourself. Pour your heart out into a blog for everyone to see. Love yourself enough to do what makes your soul the most nourished, even if not everyone can understand it. And always remember, the stickers only stick if you let them.

Letter to me

Dear newly graduated from high school self,

You are about to embark on a 9 month adventure that you are not prepared for. At all. You think you are...but you're wrong.

Right now, you think that you are going to stay in touch with all of your high school friends, and keep those friendships close to your heart. You are wrong. You will stay in touch with a few friends from high school, and the ones that you do still talk to will be there for the rest of your life. The rest of them will not be. And that's okay. Please remember that. People will come and go in your life, that is one thing you will learn this year.

In fact, the most important person to you right now will leave your life in a few months. Nothing could have prepared you for that. It will suck and it will be sad and you will cry a lot...but I am here to tell you that you are going to be okay.

Not just okay, you are going to become better because of it. Stronger, happier, wiser, more independent -- better. You will learn to be brave, you will learn that it is okay to not be okay, you will learn that you do not need validation from anyone. Right when you think the world is ending, please remember that you will become so much better than you could have ever imagined -- in every single aspect of your life.

The people you meet this year will have a lasting impact on your life. Whether they are a teacher, or a sorority sister, you will be influenced and inspired by new faces that will teach you so much. Listen to them.

At some point, you will have a choice: to stay in and study or to go out with your friends. Go out. You are smart, you will do well on that test you have been studying for for hours. Have fun. You deserve it.

Also remember that at some point you will have the choice to go out, or stay in and binge watch Netflix. Stay in. Eat that whole pizza, watch a whole season of Grey's, lay in sweatpants all day. You work so hard and deserve some "me time".

This year you will realize how important your family is in your life. You will realize how much they have done for you the past 18 years, things including but not limited to: cooking you meals (you will miss that as you eat buttered noodles for the 10th night in a row), helping you study, being your counselor at every moment, making you laugh, taking care of you when you're sick, buying you groceries, waiting up for you to make sure you're okay, etc. Thank them. Go visit as often as possible, squeeze your brothers tight, go to lunch with your sister. Your family will cry with you at your worst, and celebrate with you at your best. Don't take them for granted.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but you are far from prepared for this 9 month adventure. The good news is that after this year, you will be on the path to become the person you have always strived to be.

Be brave, have fun, and remember that change is good.

From,
Your just finished your first year in college self


P.S. -- I would start learning about hockey ASAP