I told my ex-boyfriend that I would never love anybody the way that I loved him during the climax of my despair. I said it as a way to get him to understand how deeply hurt I was; a way to make him feel guilty. I didn't actually mean it at the time, I knew that someday another person would come along. But here I am, over a year into a new relationship, and I can say that what I said to him as my heart was broken was true. I will never love anybody like I loved him, no. I will, however, love somebody so much better.
I purposely chose not to say that I will love somebody more. I don't believe that love is measurable, I believe it is a feeling that is felt deeply and purely. I do believe, however, that you can love someone and that love can be toxic -- I lived through it. A love where I was constantly in fear of being rejected; a love that made me feel inferior. When that relationship ended, that type of love was all that I knew. I had no idea that it was possible to be in a relationship with somebody who lifts you up instead of tears you down.
A relationship where I can wake up and not have to think of all of the things I have to do in order to keep him around. A relationship where we can sit in the car and not fight about which direction the wind is blowing. A healthy relationship -- a better love.
So thank you, ex-boyfriend, for letting me go. Who knew that in my deepest sadness I would spit out the greatest truth? I will never, ever, love anybody the way I loved you. Instead, I choose to love and be loved so much better.
Its an awesome feeling to know that you are being loved better than you had been before. Ive been on the other end of that, trying to show her how much I cared and for three and a half years, she just didnt seem to understand. We have been apart now for about three and a half years and I feel better knowing that I dont have to prove to someone that I care.
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